Women's lives are hard.
Morning wash clothes.
Noon hang clothes.
Evening keep clothes.
Night iron clothes.
Midnight take off clothes.
After midnight find clothes.
Miscommunication
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan(anyone)!
Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).
Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Why Men Have Better Friends
Women's Friends:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.
Men's Friends:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary: Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.
a letter from an Indian mother to her son... read it carefully...
My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here tookthe house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have tochange their address.
Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, n that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sureit works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain andhaven't seen them since.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The firsttime it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wantedme to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send inthe mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in thepocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting thegrass at the cemetery.
By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died.
And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love Mom.
P.S : Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you ?800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 he owes me?"
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
Schoolgirl: I do not want to take the sex Education class.
Teacher: Why?
Schoolgirl: Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Q : why did a half cooked beaf and a quarter cooked beaf did not greet each other?
Story : A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”
“Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.”
The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.
Q: Why did the farmer killed the young rooster?
Answers will be revealed on next post.. Post answers on comments. xD
Hope u guys got a smiling face after reading this post.. =)
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